Boris Bans Booze

Why do I get a feeling that Boris Johnson might appear on this blog a bit in the future? Britain's most interesting politician announced that as of June 1st, it will be illegal to carry an open drinks container on any form of public transport. He said “I firmly believe that if we drive out so called minor crime then we will be able to get a firm grip on more serious crime. That's why from June 1st the drinking of alcohol will be banned from the tube, tram, bus, and Docklands Light Railway."

Makes sense really. There will be no grotty, drunk old men leaning on your new suit when you are going to work, no cider-ed up fourteen year olds swearing and shouting at each other on the tube. Thing is, how are they going to police it? Suppose a tracksuit wearing 'yoof' boards a bus with an open bottle of vodka in his bag and then proceeds to consume his supermarket own label booze. Is the bus driver going to apprehend them? Unlikely as most drivers are now behind assault proof perspex shielding. Are they going to have a button in the cab which makes a swat team board the bus at the next stop? Budget constraints would probably stop that happening, and we should never promote vigilantism, so how do we stop them?
My proposal to London Transport would be to see is the return of the Routemaster bus, with it's rear platform for getting on and off. Instead of a conductor, London transport could hire club doormen to man the bus, uttering "you ain't getting on mate" to everyone carrying a six pack of Tennents. Should such a drunk manage to get past the bouncer, then he can then quite easily throw them off the bus, regardless of whether the bus is stationary or not, as the good old London Bus doesn't have a door!